Relationship ABC's

Dear Miss Piggy,

I've written you letters upon letters, and I haven't received anything back except stupid comments from your mouth. DO YOU KNOW WHAT ROMANCE IS?! Listen asshole, either you write me something tomorrow or I'm turning you anorexic! Do you understand? No a sandwich is not healthy, nor fucking mahi mahi. Eat less my god. What kind of fucker goes work out for two hours and then fucking eat a ton of wontons? Is your mouth a garbage can? Tell me now! Answer! Don't just look at me. Answer!

I've also spoken to you today about common sense... DO YOU KNOW WHAT FUCKING COMMON SENSE IS OR DO I HAVE TO BEAT IT INTO YOU?! Okay, listen again asshole, I need you to know the abc's of dating. Boyfriends know when their boyfriends are mad, sad, or in need of attention. Why would you wait until I would get the biggest headache, and tell me shit to make me feel angry? Hmm, what was your defense, "At least you got a change in emotions! I did something didn't I?" It's fucking common sense to be more compassionate to your boyfriend when he's tired and ill. You are a dick! A chubby, tiny dick. Can you say asshole? Also, what kind of an asshole would say, "I live on your pain." When I ask for a simple break up? Is that so hard to do? LEARN YOUR FUCKING RELATIONSHIP COMMON SENSE BITCH!

Finally, you big fat turd... when you say, "Honey I promise I won't go out next week." It doesn't mean until you get an invitation to go drinking you could re-ask me if you could go. No Jin, sit your chubby butt at home. You've been clubbing every week, and this week you want to go bar hopping? So out of the question! DO YOU KNOW WHAT A MOTHERFUCKING PROMISE IS?! I may beat you. When I see you I will beat you. No one will say anything because everyone hates Koreans, especially me. Yes, your life, your air, your reason to live. ME!

Sincerely,

SV

P.S. Tell me when you're going to find the next thing to screw up our relationship and I'll be mentally prepared to drop you like a giant, fat bomb.