Getting Stood Up

This morning I woke up to Jin's voice. I couldn't fall asleep yesterday night until 3:00-4:00 A.M., so I woke up pretty late. He left for a friends birthday party earlier than scheduled. He told me that he would leave at 3:00 P.M., right after my got out of school. I asked him, "So when do you plan to talk to me? Leave at 4:00." His response is, "I guess so." That would be leaning towards a yes to my suggestion. If he said, "I guess not," then it would have been my fault for misreading what he said.

I don't understand why it's so hard to be punctual. If you really wanted to be on time then you would have tried to figure out different ways to be punctual. Get a fucking agenda or PDA. Tattoo it on your arms. I don't really care anymore. I don't understand why we have to get into so many fights over such a small subject. An average adult would have understand those concept within the first or second discussion. Apparently, it happens so often that I have no idea what the number is. I'm so sick of fighting or being disappointed by him. If he doesn't hold up arrangements or appointments that he has with me because he wants to go hang out with friends, then what does that make us? I'm a secondary priority compared to his friends. Then we should just be acquaintances.

I gave him two choices on Saturday afternoon, and today I picked choice #1, since he doesn't want to pick. I really don't care how irrational I'm being right now. Such a small problem shouldn't be such a hindrance to our relationship. How would anyone feel if they were stood up for their boyfriend's friends forty or fifty times? It's incredibly disrespectful, inconsiderate, and immature. At this point, I wouldn't even give a fuck if the sky was falling, he would still have to figure out a way to meet the appointment he has with me. I don't need to be understanding. If I had to hold his hand for the first three months of the relationship, then it's reasonable if I let go of him now. This could sound like a job or relationship, but I wouldn't give a fuck for the label since I've been so understanding for the last three months. I don't like to get stood up.

Jin why can't we go for a week without a screw up? Why are you always waiting till the last minute to do your essays and then I would have to proofread it for you. Why can't you just be ambitious enough to just figure out the problems of this relationship before it's too late. Do I honestly have to tell you that I don't like to get stood up? It that not common sense? It's a birthday party and our relationship is already rocky. You go out almost everyday. There's always an event waiting for you to go. Do you honestly think this is the perfect time to just blow me off like that? Why can't we just be problem-free? I know I'm being very picky but I have the right to be after all, I was helping you mature as a person. Sometimes I don't know if we're dating or if I'm babysitting you. Grow up! You're nineteen... You just go to school and go out. There's no job or bills you have to pay for. You really are carefree besides being in this mess of a relationship with me. What is there that I have to be understanding about? That you're spoiled? Really? Let's go back to Saturday (which isn't that far into the past) when I asked you if you could change. Didn't you reply, "Yes, I will change. I will change." That's an expetation that you setup for a failure. It may seem incredible hard, but why do I need to be understanding? Did you earn it? Have you given me any reason to be nicer?