One of Those Nights Again...

Everyone wants acceptance, but what happens when you can't accept anymore?

I lay here tonight thinking of Jin... We just had a conversation about a deadline (Sunday) for our relationship. The reason for the deadline is linked from a previous fight we had about our issues with each other. This week I had higher expectations for Jin than I did regularly. I thought he would do something to blow me away, prove his love for me somehow, or better yet, show me that we won't have to fight over small issues.

Again, I misunderstood what he meant to tell me. We were going to wait until Sunday to see how we feel about each other. Since this week has been so joyful, he thought the deadline was lifted and there was nothing to worry about. I on the other hand, still acknowledged there was a deadline to uphold. I loved every second of this week, but I fear that we might revert back to our earlier problems once the deadline is lifted.

Before Jin fell asleep, he uttered the words, "I love you." It's always very dearingly sweet to hear these rare words. My heart just flutters sometimes.

Acceptance... I have never been in a relationship with anyone remotely close to his level of personality, knowledge, or experience. He wants me to accept him and he feels like I have higher standards than we he can uphold. I told him tonight, "I have been trying extremely hard to except you. I have never dated anyone as young as you. There are moments were you lack experience, which my ex-boyfriends would have known what to do in that scenario. I've tried very hard to accept you. I tried... and that's all I could do. I'm trying very hard."