More Relationship Problems

Tonights just like every other night. I told Jin that I'm going to give up on us. Basically, this entitles him to do what he wants, when he wants to. I'm not going to tell him what to do anymore because I'm just not going to expect anything from him. I don't expect him to call me, I dont expect him to keep his promises, and I wouldn't expect anything that I would in an actual relationship. I've learned that the only way you could get hurt in life is when you set your own and other's expectations. I really don't need that right now in my life.

While on the phone for two hours, I told him that he doesn't really love me. Surely, I know that I'm just pushing him away. I told him that everyday is the same. I yell, he yells back. He eats, I yell more. Then we sleep. Sometimes I ask him to just lay down, but he can't because he's doing something. It's like a simple request. There is no intimacy between us. We never do anything together and I feel like for now that is the huge gap in our relatinship that needs to be filled immediately. I can't watch a movie with him, I can't have sex with him, and I can't even sleep with him.

We just already have so many issues: I'm unstable, he's not careful with his words, we're not nice to each other, and so on and so forth. Jin isn't romantic to the very least. He doesn't write me letters, sing me songs, or understand me. He even said to me today, "We're not on the same level. You have options." You know what it's sad because I don't even consider those things. Why would I? Hopefully, he was joking at the wrong time.

Okay here's some hints to understnd me better. When I speak my feelings for you please give me your input and don't just sit there quietly. It makes me feel like A) You don't understand, B) You don't give a fuck, C) You're a retard and never know that to say, or D) We really don't have anything to talk about because we're not compatible. The things that turns me off the most.

When I'm intimate with you, please don't say something to turn me off. When I ask to go to sleep or lay down. I've never really fallen asleep at the same time you did. Do you notice that? Every night when we're on the phone either you're up doing something or I'm up doing something. The actual times when I want to just lay down, and you've rejected me, guess what it is a big deal to me. I think you're really great at rejecting me (feelings and requests). Yes, I notice so please be more observative. I don't know what to say anymore Jin.

I could sit here all night to name more problems that we have, but what's the use? You don't get it. You won't fix it. You tell me over and over again, "I'm sorry, I'm stupid." Not the words I want to hear and it's not going to fix anything. Is it that hard to just be romantic once in awhile, or lay down with me when I'm tired? My requests probably are too much for you. I've come to accept that with you I could never get what I need. Let' see how much longer we could keep this relationship going...

Oh btw, I don't want you to think I'm blaming you completely because it's really my fault. I lead the relationship to this place. I drove us both into a wall. My faults are: I'm cocky, condescending, very high expectations, stubborn, very high maintenance, control freak, and much more. I think it's just obvious what a trainwreck I am. Dating between us is like trying to cross breed two different species to be honest. You've never dated anyone that resembles anything like how I would act in a relationship and visa versa.