Insomnia

I guess I've been becoming some sort of an insomniac lately because no matter what time I sleep, I'll wake up in the middle of the night to watch movies or think about my current/past relationships. Tonight was not such a great night to begin with because Jin and I had fought about his punctuality issues again. He says I've been even more critical and intolerant lately, but if you don't make a mistake about punctuality then I wouldn't have to get in your face about it. I think we both have our buttons and I expect him to figure that out by now. I asked him tonight what makes me tick and what makes me happy? His answers were just so-so but not really there yet. That worries me a lot because it just says (hopefully) either he didn't think about his answer enough because he was too nervous, or (sadly) he just doesn't know at all.

It was a pretty heated conversation, but in the end he apologized. I don't think he apologized for the right reasons though, but I was too tired to bring up another issue. He apologized for the argument. Arguing to prove your point is completely fine, but the apology should have been towards not keeping your word. I hope your realize that by telling me you're going to do something then you're going to do it. It shouldn't be late and trying justify things with the fact that you're going to get to it is very irresponsible. There's a billion scenarios I could give you to hopefully make you understand this concept, but you're probably not going to understand. I just hope you understand a more basic concept that making me waste my time to wait for you to do something is very inconsiderate and disrespectful towards me. It's one of my pet peeves so please try to keep your word when you say them or be on time when you have deadline. I know you have many pet peeves as well and I try not to push them as much as possible.

For example, tonight I called you retarded because you didn't understand a concept that I thought was basic understanding to most common people. I understand that a comment like that is rude and unnecessary, but sometimes I have to make you angry to motivate your thinking. It's not easy to talk to you because I believe you only try to listen and comprehend what I have to say when we are fighting. Of course, none of our fights would be consider major, but they are very repetitive which is never a good thing.

I accomplish something that I've been trying to do for almost a year tonight and I'm very proud but sad at the same time for doing it. I deleted Jason's contact information off my computer. I no longer have his emails, screen names, or any of his data. I think I've finally become unaffected by the fact that he's no longer apart of my life. I pushed him out of my life so now I have to do the next few steps to complete my goal. Hopefully, one day I'll delete his phone number off my phone, delete his text messages, and throw away everything that is given to me which I store in a box inside of my closet. It's very sad that I still hold onto bits and pieces of our broken and past relationship, but it's still a scary thought to have nothing left of it. I guess I still need the training wheels, and I'm just not yet ready to pedal without them.

Last thing on my agenda tonight is that the next upcoming weeks I will be having exams and finals. Most of my exams are a week or less before my finals. I don't understand why professors do that. It's very redundant to test the material twice in a small span of time. Hopefully, I won't cut myself and bleed to death before things end. Also, my birthday is coming up and I don't have anyone to celebrate it with because he's stuck in New York. I know I will be working that day so there's not much that I would look forward to on that day. I haven't been speaking to my friends much lately because my excuses are I've been sick, I have a Jin to take care of, or my all time favorite, I am a straight A student that works part-time. Well, you guys could pick and choose, but please spare me the cynical comments. Night!!!